Happy Thanksgiving.

I never really grew up celebrating thanksgiving. For whatever its worth, I am thankful for a lot of things. So I will leave it at that and this song for all of you!

Happy Thanksgiving

xx00
m*

Clowns.

"Only clowns would play with those balloons
What d'ya wanna look like Barbie for
Dear oh Lord, it's easy..." - Allison Goldfrapp

I am never one to take the easy road, I felt like I've battled so many people. Sometimes I win, alot of times I loose. But alot of the things I took away from the battle is that it has only made me stronger. When all is said and done, I am still standing, the world is still moving, when the dust settles the magik will happen.

The storms are more worth it surviving on a rocky ship, because at least you can say "I've lived through it."

Somewhere Only We Know.

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete"...

4:09 am Tuesday Morning, I feel like I've been here before. The kids are asleep with Stephen in the bed. My hands are covered in Cheetos. The last two weeks have been sort of a thrill ride. Emotions cavalcading into some sort of sick avalanche of the mundane top coated with the sublime. I feel a little overwhelemed with everything, and as much as I love doing it, I loathe myself for doing it.
It's 4:30 am now. I need some rest

good morning

xx00

Take Me Home.

Attempting to go back to Guam has been one of those crazy things I've definitely been putting off for a while. The legal age of drinking is 18, so naturally we all had fake IDs by 14 and have been in blackouts since. For all its beauty, the island is terribly small, and everyone knows everyone, or even worse, they are somehow related to you. I never know what to make of it. I was always the trouble maker, landing myself in crazy situations that I suppose could've been avoided, but my youthful "exuberance" proved otherwise. Going home means alot of mixed emotions for me. It means I have to deal with the reality of the past I do not like to look back on, maybe it's just human condition that we don't like facing what we left. I was the typhoon that no one expected. But how beautiful would it be. In retrospect I feel like I did grow up in paradise. I was spoiled rotten, my back yard was the beach, and I had every luxury. But back then, all I wanted was to leave the damn place, and now ten years later, I think I am primed for a return. I do want to see my grandmother and visit my grandfathers mausoleum and my uncles, and Tommy's. Who would've thought that they would all be buried within proximity of each other...
I remember vividly how beautiful the sunsets and sunrises were. How orange purple and pink all fought and came together to form this beautiful visual. I want to swim in the turqouise green waters I so fondly. Who knows maybe I might get to swim there again.