I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map, I knew that some how, I could find my way back...

Lots of death all around, kinda weird. seeing how moments like these place perspective and gratitude within me. I never know how to answer myself sometimes with questions that I ask myself, but at least I know that there is an answer to it. Somehow I am asking myself whether predictability is on my side, like a bastard tumor that you just can't seem to get a handle on.
I feel a little disheveled, a little defeated to be honest. Somehow the maniacal seems more plausible than absurd and my fantasy is becoming more reality. I wish there was a way I could traverse it all, some instantaneous magic whisper I could be.

Inevitable

So I am not exactly much of a writer, nor am I the kind of person that I would imagine ever could put together a "one woman show". You see in all my years of drag, all my years of watching it, doing it, being a part of it, the one woman show was something I never really understood. Maybe being the young and foolish person that I am never really understand the cathartic level that writing a one woman show could be, and only recently have I totally kind of embraced the notion that I could actually, just maybe pull it off.
I must admit I am kind of fearful of undertaking it. It sort of came out as a last minute excuse to fill an empty night and nary had i any idea of what it would be. But thankfully I live in a community filled with great artists, actors, comedians, who somewhat believe in my talent (or lack thereof) maybe the magic is there. Who knows. I'm not trying to be serious. God knows I don't have any real acting skills. SO who really knows what'll happen that tuesday night. I thought I should just preface the show as not to be taken seriously at all, it's an experiment. who knows. it is what it is. So please come on down to Chaser at the EndUp on Tuesday February 16th 2009. I am selling Jello Shots and maybe doing Raffle prizes.
The doors open at 9pm and the show begins at 12am, we have an awesome DJ in the guise of musical genius, Virginia Suicide. So please please come down and check it out

Ten Thousand Percent

I haven't blogged in a while, I feel harsh for neglecting it but here I am again. 3:45am clacking away, listening to Taylor Swift. Nothing new has changed really, I'm still running the most retarded drag show on earth. Although the amount of people we get is now consistent rather than fluctuating, some nights are great, some nights are okay, and I am fine with that. I think the key to all of this is consistency, finding the right balance between everything, and in just a few short months I will be celebrating one year! I really didn't think I would survive this long to be honest, but as it dawned on me today, I need to do this for my own sanity. It's been the one stabilizing force in my life, it seems like lately, I've been prone to some sort of calamity, but Chaser is still there, come hell or high water.
A few months ago, I was perfectly unsure about where I would be. It kind of warped my mind to think that maybe this was who I will be for the rest of my life, just another queen hosting a show, and I felt a little stuck, each day comes easier though, and with every challenge and obstacle I face it seems a little more plausible. I am however grateful for the support system I have now. I like that I can call people or email them, and tell them my frustrations and they will listen. It makes me feel human. Even small things like a hi or hello does make that different.
I may not have the most successful drag show, nor is it at all packed ALL the time, and really as amazing as that would be, I am seriously content on the things that make me smile and laugh even if for just a moment. I hold the retarded in high regard and for me the sacred is knowing that people tried and gave ten thousand percent of who they are. I'm not perfect, my show isn't perfect it is what it is. Its not that im settling for mediocrity, it's that quite frankly for me, the magic of it all is the knowledge that at 2am when I get into my cab with 8 bucks and a pack of cigs, I know in my heart that this is exactly what I should be doing.