Ten Thousand Percent

I haven't blogged in a while, I feel harsh for neglecting it but here I am again. 3:45am clacking away, listening to Taylor Swift. Nothing new has changed really, I'm still running the most retarded drag show on earth. Although the amount of people we get is now consistent rather than fluctuating, some nights are great, some nights are okay, and I am fine with that. I think the key to all of this is consistency, finding the right balance between everything, and in just a few short months I will be celebrating one year! I really didn't think I would survive this long to be honest, but as it dawned on me today, I need to do this for my own sanity. It's been the one stabilizing force in my life, it seems like lately, I've been prone to some sort of calamity, but Chaser is still there, come hell or high water.
A few months ago, I was perfectly unsure about where I would be. It kind of warped my mind to think that maybe this was who I will be for the rest of my life, just another queen hosting a show, and I felt a little stuck, each day comes easier though, and with every challenge and obstacle I face it seems a little more plausible. I am however grateful for the support system I have now. I like that I can call people or email them, and tell them my frustrations and they will listen. It makes me feel human. Even small things like a hi or hello does make that different.
I may not have the most successful drag show, nor is it at all packed ALL the time, and really as amazing as that would be, I am seriously content on the things that make me smile and laugh even if for just a moment. I hold the retarded in high regard and for me the sacred is knowing that people tried and gave ten thousand percent of who they are. I'm not perfect, my show isn't perfect it is what it is. Its not that im settling for mediocrity, it's that quite frankly for me, the magic of it all is the knowledge that at 2am when I get into my cab with 8 bucks and a pack of cigs, I know in my heart that this is exactly what I should be doing.