Date With A Night.

Do you ever just find yourself at 4am smoking the last Marlboro Ultra Lights 100, sipping on bourbon and watching your kitties sleep? Okay maybe not, that is just me right now. It's 4:06am and as usual I can never just lay down and go to bed. Maybe I have too many things in my mind right now to just lay down. I am serious insomniac, I guess it was alot more fun when I was in my teens and early twenties, stay out all night, party hard, you know that kind of shit. But since turning 26 and realizing that I actually have to step into my adulthood I find so many things much more difficult. I feel a little bit more responsible. Like not flaking on things I commit to and not being as demanding of myself, even a little more forgiving! It was so easy for me to cause the kind of mayhem I did in my early twenties, I needed that constant validation and now I find myself less and less attached to that kind of adulation. I do things now, because it is what I want to do, and not because I'm doing it for something in return. I've stopped expecting so much of every situation and just take it for what it is. I'm learning to jump more, and take risks, I feel that I have lost alot already, and what else is there for me to loose, it's just impetus for me to work harder on things I want to achieve.
I went to go watch "Where The Wild Things Are" tonight with Stephen. It was such an emotionfest for me, it brought back so many feelings of me as a kid, trying to capture something but realizing that maybe the reality is just bad, and finding ways to escape. Like Max, I found alot of ways to escape my reality. Growing up by yourself however spoiled is not an easy thing. But again, its one of those things I've learned to let go.
I feel blessed and grateful to be surrounded by a community of artists, who continually create, and thrive on creativity and pushing themselves to perfection. I feel that it is always good to move things forward, and never look back on what is missing, and what is not there, rather fill that void, and create the niche. Theres so many wonderful things to be grateful for, and rather than be spiteful about what I don't have, now more than ever, I am looking at things from a different angle.