Alright Already!

I know I havent been exactly up to date with blogging. It's 4:12am, and I really can't sleep at all most days now, alot of things are on my mind lately. I am happy and living a content life with a wonderful boyfriend, two wonderful cats and my party that happens on tuesday nights. I know I know I'm always promoting something or other, but I don't think alot of people realize how hard it is to do a weekly club on Tuesday nights of all things, I can only think of one other person. The past few months have been a true test of my character, who would've thought that at 25 I would be producing my own party? I don't think this is what my parents exactly envisioned for me, but whatever. Sometimes we take the path others really don't take, and to be honest with you ever since I was kid, I've never really seen myself as someone who can sit behind a desk and push buttons all day. AT LEAST now I am doing what I love, and throwing a party on my own terms. Alot of this has to do with my experiences at Trannyshack and Charlie Horse, and learning all the lessons I did! It does come in more handy now. I am slowly learning to become more diplomatic about my approach to certain situations and heed the advice of those who have come before me. The party seems to be growing and my audience seems to like what I am doing.

When the idea popped into my head about this four months ago, I really had no clue what I was doing or getting myself into. Luckily I have an insanely supportive boyfriend who sticks by me and my decisions and the support of a great team of people where I do the party at. I really wasn't gunning for a week day party, much less something that happened on a Tuesday night. 

Believe me I spent many sleepless and listless nights much like tonight cowering and thinking about the party. My first thought was not a Tuesday drag show, but maybe something over the weekend. Thankfully Sydney (one of the owners of the EndUp) steered me into tuesday nights. I knew and understood the legacy of the tuesday night drag show in SF, I was part of it for a brief period of time, much less fathoming the institution that is the EndUp. So alot of this was all new to me, even though I've been part of the scene for awhile now. I just had to keep in my mind, that everything has been done already, I cannot re invent the wheel, I could not be pretentious about it and just own the fact that yes I like drag shows, and yes it is on a Tuesday night, but so what, I wasn't out to do or recreate a storied past, I just wanted to do someting I felt comfortable with and listen to the music I liked, at an environment I helped foster. And as much as I like the Stud, a) I wasn't going to do something there knowing full well the legacy of that stage and b) I wanted to start with something fresh, a clean slate if you will, with something to build MY own legacy with and not ride on the coat tales of years ago. Little did I know the insane ride I am in for!

It's such a weird conundrum, a long battle of trial and errors. And yes I still get incredibly nervous about it alot, espescially every tuesday at around 15 minutes before the show, I go nuts! Again, someting I am grateful for is the people I work with. My doormen Andres and Ivan really put up with alot from me, and DJ Dann Edmond and Guy Ruben who deal with my insanity from the DJ booth is seriously a saint, and then there are the ladies, who continue to stand by my side and keep wanting to perform at my show. I mean of course there such a bevy of creativity in the city what with the whole recession kind of forcing people to rethink their agendas since most of them are now unemployed. It's almost like back to basics. 

In retrospect Chaser has been so much of a blessing to me. It gives me an outlet to be creative, and having to think on my feet constantly, it sharpens the knives so to speak. It's always trial and error, touch and go. But I am slowly building myself back up slowly. It's kind of pyschological as much as I deny it, it really is. It's a total practice in humility and turning things over, things I don't have any control of. It's daunting at times, but I just have to really keep forging on and doing what I do, not because I have to, but because I love what I'm doing. Thank you for reading

xx00

m*