As you may have noticed, alot of my blogs are heavily influenced by alternative, indie, pre-emo music of the 90s and early 2000s. Alot of my late childhood was spent in my bedroom jamming to the Cranberries, Greenday and TLC. As a teenager, if I wasn't obsessed with sketching out fashion designs, or watching Gone With the Wind and Sex and the City, I was listening to Frou Frou, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Killers and Modest Mouse. In my early 20s if I wasn't out getting high or watching the O.C. or Dynasty reruns on soapnet, I was all about the new wave of electronic pop music that seemed to have been all the rage!
Growing up I always fancied myself to become a Fellini type of movie star, always in sepia tone, saying the right things, jumping in fountains. When I was 15 I went to Italy, and partied on the Via Veneto and Piazza San Marco, it was so beautiful, I felt like I was really living a dream. Although I never really imagined that I would be doing drag in San Francisco. It was a far fetched idea.
I grew up living on an estate around the beach, it was incredibly beautiful. The old house was mediterranean style, and my bedroom had the most amazing view. I used to watch the sunsets. Growing up on an island was such a blessing and a curse. We were always subject to Typhoons (that is what Hurricanes are called on the other side of the Pacific Ocean) and that was bad, luckily we had powerful generators, because sometimes the power would be out for months. Everyone always said Guam had tons of snakes, and I encountered a snake like once or twice. One dead one on the beach, and one dying that got caught trying to crawl up my bedroom window through the bouganvilla vines that covered the walls of the house. There tons of palm trees and coconut trees by the beach and the sand was always white with turqouise blue waters. When it rained during the May and June months, I always opened the windows, I loved the way the Jasmine smelled in the damp wet day. It's always surprising to me when I look back and never really liked the fact that I lived in the middle of nowhere, but in retrospect, it's the most beautiful place in the world and wouldn't trade a damn thing.
The first true love I ever had lived on the compound next to us. You never really forget the first one. I remember the first kiss. A screenwriter couldn't have written it better. The sky was shades of deep purple, pink and orange, kind of melded together and it happened. I was so young. At that age, you think everything is love. But I guess I was in love. I always had a thing of guys with dark hair and piercing eyes, like the eyes that cut you and melt you with one look (even now my Stephen has piercing blue eyes.
There is some part of me that wants to go back, and some part of me that is a little more hesitant about revisiting that. I've been thinking about my childhood alot, I guess it's a total quarterlife crises that I am going through. My birthday is in a couple of weeks, and I'm downright terrified. I always thought I was only going to live till the age of thirty. But it seems it might be longer than that. I've canceled all major plans for a huge birthday bash. Why? You may ask.. it's because I feel like the older I get, the less I have to prove to myself or to anyone. Maybe I'll cook some dinner for some friends who I just want over for a simple nice chat. Nothing too fancy really. I've had tons of fancy birthday parties over the years and if there was a chance to throw a huge birthday party it would've been last year. Who knows. Who cares. I've been such a party person, that maybe a little peace and quiet and maybe something a little more intimate would be best. Besides I already have the best present, a supportive and loving man at my side, two wonderful cats, and a fun party everyweek. Although maybe a nice vacation is in order for me. I was thinking an outdoor dinner, but who has a patio big enough for me to celebrate in. Low key is most definitely the key phrase, and I want to keep it that way, I can have all the other 300 people come to CHASER the tuesday after, if they really wanted to celebrate.
xx00
m*
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